“You can’t blame him for trying,” said a male friend recently. That sentiment should take the sting out of a mutual friend attempting the faithful leap out of the friend zone and into the boyfriend lane with an unsolicited kiss, but it just infuriates me more. It’s as if my friendship is a mere stepping-stone and not terra firma.
What’s wrong with just being my pal?
I ask because I have been in this situation too many times and frankly, I’m sick of it. Sick and tired of finding out that I’m a friend’s unrealized crush; frustratingly over having “the talk” after a misguided romantic gesture and having to make sure everything is back to normal, and heartbroken over having to be the bad guy, the letter-downer, and/or the mad rejecter to a dear friend.
The friend zone is portrayed as the worst possible place to be for either sex, like a cruel punishment for the lack of romantic interest from a prospective partner; however, that is not the case for me. So far, boyfriends don’t last more than a few months, I rarely keep in touch with former flames, and prefer to keep the past in the past, as too much has happened to be friends after the loss of a romantic connection. I just don’t have the emotional capacity for the dinginess of a love gone wrong when I want to be squarely in the present. Simply put, being my friend is a higher honor than being my boyfriend.
Surely romance can blossom from a friendship, just not for me. The possibility of that space being occupied by a close male friend is slim to none. Not to be cruel or unjust but if I liked you, I’d be with you or at least, make it known. It’s as simple as that. Why wouldn’t you bestow the same courtesy?
Perhaps I should be more appreciative and flattered by such male attention, although, I find this apparent sort of plotting and scheming as a form of betrayal. Why feign friendship when you want something more? Why not be upfront from the start? Trust me, I can handle the truth! Let’s have fun and hang out, but don’t try to drunkenly kiss me and think I’m going to forget we’re just friends. Don’t invite me to a wedding under false pretense. Don’t ask for a pity fuck in an inebriated state. Don’t be a shitty friend. After all, there is nothing wrong with the friend zone.